Shaping my professional character (Module 1 session 20/11 @ 12.30 PM)

Today I had a great conversation with Adesola and Jae Eun, which began with professional networks and ethical dilemmas and concluded with how we can define how we are seen and perceived within the industry. There were some great points raised and as the discussion went on I tried to keep as many notes as possible of everything I felt would help me understand how and why I position myself as a professional. As well as what I can change in my behaviour and/or perspective in order to achieve how I want to be perceived by others. 

For a start I know that as a person I always stand up for what I believe, because I know that change only comes by actively seeking it. During my training I developed this worry that standing up for what I believe will make me seem difficult. This worry was a result of me trying to challenge teachers, directors and other students when I or someone else was treated unfairly but ultimately I would get dismissed. I felt that a lot of the time even the people who agreed with me simply preferred to get along, because none of the issues directly concerned them, therefore finding back up was also hard. 

I will not deny that sometimes it is indeed better to get along, but with certain issues that concern harassment, belittlement, discrimination and even racial abuse - it is hard to not challenge the offender and frustrating when others accept this behaviour because it doesn't affect them directly. 

I will refrain from giving specific examples as I do not want to point fingers at anyone or people trying to guess who I'm speaking about. 

In the beginning of our discussion my main question therefore was 'when do you speak up?' When is something serious enough for me to stand up to people and when do we draw the line so we are not seen as 'difficult' or 'overly sensitive'. As the discussion unfolded though I realised that the real question is not when, but how? I should not bite my tongue in the presence of unfairness, injustice or abuse, but I should be able to assess whether the person indeed meant offence, challenge them diplomatically and if this is literally impossible with the said person report them to Equity. 

Another important thing I realised is that just because I have come out of an environment feeling like a minority and as though everyone is out to get me, this will not necessarily be the case for the wider industry. This experience has influenced me and shaped me in my post-drama school career, but now I have the chance to see how, weigh the positives and the negatives and discover what I can get rid of and how I want to define myself. 

Sharing our experiences in this discussion and remembering that other people have had similar experiences no matter their background, ethnicity or appearance, helped me understand that I do not need to feel like the odd one out. Even if I encounter people in the future who I disagree with or who straight up treat me with discrimination I should not constantly be prepared to meet them and I should be more open to the possibility that even if someone does behave in a similar way or say similar things with what I have previously experienced, it doesn't mean that they are not happy to be corrected. At the end of the day a lot of the people who have bullied me I know for a fact have gone through similar bullying, but do I want to end up like them? Attacking first so I don't get attacked? Or do I want to use them as examples to avoid? 

I know who I am and I want to stay true to who I am, but I do not want to constantly fear and worry that I have to explain who I am to people. But there is no reason to feel this way either. I need to get rid of the feeling that there is something negative about me and the desire to please everyone and focus on one thing only; be the best professional actor I can be.